Why head or heart is not an alternative

“Decide by your feeling.” People meet this advice everywhere: in conversation among friends, in guidebooks, in podcasts. Almost never does it come with a reason, and what exactly is meant stays open.

The basic problem

Yet decisions are never made by feeling alone.

A person’s whole system hangs on every decision: their body, their thoughts, their experiences and the circumstances they currently stand in.

Head and heart belong together

There are many studies on how decisions come about, and still no one knows exactly how it happens. A person does not even know where a specific impulse comes from. Sometimes they feel the impulse in the body, sometimes the impulse appears as a thought in the mind. Both belong to them, and both belong together. The separation into head and heart is therefore obsolete.

In my life and in my work it shows again and again: the more a person is with themselves, the better they perceive their impulses and place them. Being with oneself means not playing a role and not wanting to be someone one is not.

Why feelings are poor signposts

A feeling is a brief impulse from the moment. Emotions are often tied to unconscious patterns that still want to be resolved. A decision that arises from these emotions follows the pattern. The moment in which the emotions speak is therefore not suited to important decisions.

What belongs to placing them

The key statement

Head and heart belong together, and important decisions need a benchmark against which impulses can be placed.

Without the benchmark, the reference point is missing. That is why in my work the decision foundation comes first. After that comes the decision, made with everything that makes a person who they are.