When couples become opponents

He says something, she hears an accusation, and within minutes the conversation has become a fight.

The basic problem

Many couples behave like enemies, although they originally came together out of love.

Usually the gaze then turns to the other’s faults. More is moved by a gaze that observes as objectively as possible and draws conclusions from it, and by action that comes from the wish to find solutions and foster growth, including growth towards each other.

One’s own share

The key statement

Movement arises as soon as someone recognises their own share.

The person sees what the events have to do with them and how they contributed. In this way people leave the victim role that many slip into unconsciously, and regain their room to act.

Words carry meanings

Words take their meaning from the one who uses them, and they look different from person to person. What love or closeness means can be something quite different for two partners. It is worth clarifying one’s own meaning of love or closeness first for oneself.

What I want and what I need for it

Whoever does not know their needs cannot express what they want and cannot speak about it openly. Instead of deciding from the impulse, it helps to establish what they want and what they need for it.

The better people know themselves, the more fulfilling their relationships become, whether in friendship or in intimacy.